09/15/09

Today was relatively uneventful, Ini was in Queens again hammering out some stuff and I was left to my own devices. I decided to spend the day in pursuit of employment and headed off once again to my local Starbucks. This time there were no parades for local candidates and the 4 block walk was pretty uneventful. I arrived and did the whole resume updating and posting thing and applied to a few nanny agencies and posted a letter seeking employment on Craigslist and then decided to set about working on the blog that I told everyone I would start upon my arrival to the city. What you are reading now is the fruit of those labors. I got everything all set up and squared away and started posting up all my back entries in my journal. I figure this gives all you back home a chance to keep up with me and also gives me a chance to save my mobile minutes ;) I spent all afternoon getting caught up and when Ini got back into the city he picked me up at Starbucks and walked me home (see Mom, I am always safe!). I feel I should also note, I left Michigan exactly one week ago today :)
Since this was a moderately uneventful day, I will take the time and web space to expound upon other things that have been going through my head. This city breaks my heart in new ways everyday. Some days, like yesterday, I ache from the beauty and sense of community. Some days, like today, I break for the poverty and the hopelessness that is so prevalent in so many here. I dont think I will ever get accustomed to people humbling themselves and losing their personal dignity to ask for spare change. The sight of people fishing through trash on the curbs for leftovers or anything salvageable will always shock me. I may have learned to avert my eyes and close my ears to their pleas (it's simply a must in a city where every corner houses someone who is in need), but the truth of the matter resonates in a deeper more private place.
We are living in a lost and broken world. We are living in a world that had lost focus. People seek 'me time' instead of 'knee time.' They turn to themselves as the leaders of their lives and their futures instead of relying on God to be the ruler of their hearts and lives. We compartmentalize religion and God into small, simple, easy to hide boxes that we are too fearful to put out in the open. How can we cry to our President for change and reform in this country when we wont cry to God for reform in our souls?
As a Christian I feel a call to live a life above reproach, to live a life that is a living glorification of my personal Lord and Savior. As a human, I fall wretchedly short. I feel so inadequate so much of the time. As I have said before I feel a call to be here in Manhattan. I feel this is where God wants me, I just don't yet know what I am here for. I see so much need and so many people who hurt and ache and who need to know the love of Christ. All I can do is show the love in small ways and pray for direction. To quote Brandon Heath, "Give me Your eyes for just one second. Give me Your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missing. Give me Your love for humanity." This is my daily prayer as I walk these streets in Washington Heights and Harlem. Lord, let me see how You need me... show me Your will.