Well... Today was my first day flying solo in Manhattan. As Ini had stayed in Queens last night, I was alone today... yeah I said it... ALONE. Rough. Very rough. Cried this morning for the first time since leaving MI. However, prior to this morning, I had not yet had a moment of loneliness or homesickness, not even when the train pulled out of the station.
I remember when I moved to Chicago, I had more than a few break-downs. One very public (and embarrassing) scene involved me after about 5 too many Vanilla Screwdrivers (reason #742 I dont really drink anymore) in a bar in downtown Chicago where I had gone to see my buddy Jason Eller (jasoneller.com shameless plug... I know) play a gig. I vaguely remember many many many tears and pleas to just be shoved in the trunk and brought home. I kept on saying how I just wanted to go home. Mind you, all of this done in front of my new coworkers who had accompanied me to the show... I always knew how to make an impression :)
After such a devastating reaction to moving to a place that was less than 4 hours by car from home, I have been waiting for some sort of monumental break down here. After all, I am over 1000 miles from home- 4 hours by plane, 13 by car, and 20 by train. This morning did not live up to my expectations at all. I had a few tears and a few self-pitying thoughts about how tough this was. The End.
It all comes down to this; I know I am supposed to be here. I know the Lord has gone ahead and prepared the city and me for this journey. I am prepared, mentally and emotionally, to have days where I feel alone in a city of 11 million. I am prepared for the urge to tuck tail and run. This time, I will not back down. I feel a call to help those who hurt and who am I to play Jonah and jump ship?
Once the peace settled I decided the best thing I could do was be proactive. One thing I have learned through all my moves and good-byes is that being proactive and keeping myself busy is the best way to fight off the black edges of homesickness. So, I headed off (alone) back to Harlem and the library. After knocking out a few more resumes and applications I headed home. Had I any clue what I was getting into I might have just stayed in Harlem.
A quick editors note, the following story does not include drugs, gangs, shootings or anything so typical, but is equally terrifying- in a funny way.
When I got home, I realized the other adults (Hector and Giselle are their names by the way) were out, leaving me with Cristy (the 12 year old daughter) and Briana (the eleven year old cousin). The girls had decided that daytime is the best time for scary movies and invited me to join them for a matinee viewing of SAW III.
At this point, I suppose I should further expound upon what my living arrangements really are. As mentioned, I live with a family, but I am by no means their 'roommate.' I am a tenant. I pay weekly for the use of their spare room as my home. I have access to the bathroom (duh), but cannot cook in their kitchen. It is not my apartment, so I would never think to waltz out to the living room and plunk down to watch TV. This being said, they are not bad people or mean landlords, this is just how the process works. They have however told me that they believe in a family-like atmosphere and in trusting those they live with. As a result, though I have only been here a few days, they have already extended the use of their fridge until I can buy a mini for my room and offered me their extra TV to put into my room... truly awesome people :)
Okay, now that I am done with that rabbit trail, back to the girls and SAW III. Have you ever tried to watch a truly grossly scary movie with middle school girls? They squawk before the scary parts, they wrap sweaters around their heads and run around screaming at decibels so high you pity the neighborhood dogs. I have not laughed so hard in so long! It was perfect after my mediocre day of blah feelings and resume shipping.
As I wrap up today, I want to mention one more thing to everyone who reads this (how cocky does that sound?) When the moment of emotion hit this morning, I posted my feelings on facebook and was astounded by the responses promising prayer. I know we, as Christians believe in the power of prayer... today I felt the power of prayer. I felt the love of those I left in MI surrounding me and comforting as surely as I can feel a hug. Thank you for your thoughts, thank you for your prayers. I love all of you and miss you terribly.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment