Well, here it is… two weeks in the Big Apple. I spent most of today doing the norm- Starbucks, job stuff. This is what most of my days consist of; trying to find gainful employment. As I said before I am focusing on my reality as opposed to my dreams right now. I still apply for jobs in my field (non-profit, social service type things) but am heavily focusing on entry-level restaurant or retail jobs as these are much more easily found.
Some days, like today, I suddenly get a little overwhelmed by the bigness of what it is I did when I moved here. I sold almost everything I own, my car, my furniture, household items (kitchen stuffs, décor, etc) and the list goes on. I brought what I thought to be a sufficient amount of things including a few framed photos and other comfort items, but I left things behind too; off-season clothes, art, my bread machine, shoes… And sometimes I find myself needing things that I know I used to own and may still own in a box either at my parent’s house or at my brother’s house, but they aren’t here and I am stuck either replacing them or figuring out creative alternatives to get done what I need to without spending money.
Today the straw that broke the back was realizing I hadn’t brought a single printed copy of my resume. I brought other paper things, assorted bank info and important files, but not one single copy of my stinking stupid resume. What was I thinking? To top it off, I had no idea where to go to try to print one off or make copies of it. I know it sounds dumb, but it made me feel a little overwhelmed and like I really had not a clue what I was doing here. It was a very frustrating moment for me. It’s simple things like this that seem to have the biggest effect on me. I can no longer pop in the car and dash over to my folks’ place to use their computer or printer. I can’t just stop by my friend’s house and see them. I no longer know how to get to the places I need/want to go without first referencing a map. It really is the little things…
Please don’t hear that I regret my choice. I do not. I just struggle with being patient with myself. It’s times like this that all I can do is pray for patience and for God to change my heart and help me adapt to these changes better.
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